Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Post for Christmas

Um,,napansin ko lang..
wla pla akong post nung Christmas..
happy nman 'ung Christmas eve kac andito sina lolo at lola,
chaka pamilya ni tita melda..
the more, the merrier daw..
un...xympre hayz,,nkayanan ko pa naman idilat mata ko.hehe

Special ang araw na ito kac nga bday ni Jesus hehe
anyway, la nman ako masyadong maikwento.
paggising ko ng umaga, the usual routine, ang paglinis ng bahay.
then the whole afternoon dun lang ako sa room,hehe
la namn mgawa kaya nglalaro lang ng rubix cube.
'nung gabi mejo nbored na tlga ako.natulog siz ko,
kaya ntulog na din ako ng maaga.dat was 8pm i think?ahaha

ai hu nga,kalimutan ko...nmatay pa pla lolo ko.

belated merry christmas..

ahaha,,cnxa of all the post, i know ito ang, di ko alam. errr...
xympre Christmas, dpat happy.haha

Monday, December 29, 2008

My Dragon Nightmare

La..la..la..lolz

i think i really got nothing to say..
as of the moment, im alone so i turn the speaker's volume to the fullest
aww...haha,,its kinda Photobucket
embarrassing to let you know im a bit scared right now..
the reason why i set the speaker too loud..hahaha

remembering my nightmare last night makes me shiver with fear and crazy at the same time..
its about my bro's pet(i dont know what kind of creature is that..some sort of a dragon you would usually see in cartoons..wait wait...let me find a similar pic that suits my description)

aha!!!this is him!!!

i am UNCONDiTiONALLY and iRREVOCABLY hating him!

the only difference is the color and its expression.
That one on my dream is white in color outlined with red and looks devilish!!!
this one looks so sweet despite his sad face.hihi

i tried to sleep sound last night its because im not feeling good..
but this little devilish dragon bugged me on my dreams causing me a sleepless night.

this was my nightmare...
My bro and I are sleeping in one room.i don't know who's house was that.
Somebody had awakened me up however my body can't move. I wanted to see his face but i couldn't. Luckily, i am able to catch a glimpse on him. a dragon??

"what is that?? why can't i move??"
trying to reach this little devil, wanting to throw him a punch but i wasn't able to move..
i really wonder why i can't move when all he does is watching me intently with a devilish eyes..and would go around me...grrr i prayed to God for the strength. i shouted for help as loud as i could but sad to know its only me who could hear myself. A couple of minutes passed and God granted my prayers...

at last,i caught him!!!!and hit him hard on the head.

i know this is a crazy dream.haha

quickly, i wake my brother up to chain his stupid pet. "hey!you put that devil back on his cage", i said furiously. "I'll just hold him hard so he couldn't escape from me."


[to be continued...]

Puzzling thoughts



A bittersweet th0ught:

What if the missing puzzle that c0mpleted me,
0f which i've f0und it through his help, (getting confused on this part.should it be his help or POP!) *single brain cell--- damaged*
Happens t0 be him? That he really is the part that made me wh0le?Uhuh?
How am i suppose to think about this?
*head shakes*

Ah..Nah...I refuse t0 dwell 0n this th0ught.

But what if its the reality i just can't accept?Just like bef0re I've kn0wn him?
That i can't accept i was fallin f0r him already the first week I've known him?
and simply I refused to name it as something for it started only in text messaging?
But there,i still ended up admitting i was madly in l0ve with him..

Tsk3,such a crazy shameful th0ughts t0 p0nder 0n..

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Im Taken..

12/28/08

An0ther byg0ne days away fr0m him..

The last th0ught c0uld never be wr0ng.
"He c0uld be g0ne anytime."
And n0w he is..

I wanna kn0w the wh0le real thing
bef0re getting t0 the p0int 0f th0ught
that he truly is...
g0ne.


The cut 0f updates fr0m him might tell that something is wrong. He might be ending up everything.
I should have grieve f0r such a l0ss,f0r l0sing s0me0ne i th0ught w0uld be mine s0meday.H0wever acceptin' it in a very humble way had never been a big issue f0r me.

S0metimes,acceptin' things then lettin' g0 c0uld be the best way t0 0ffer..Because that's what they wanted, and by n0 0ther means, y0u have t0 let g0 0f them t0o. Even if it leaves an unwanted h0le in y0ur life..

There would be times that God sends out someone for special reasons and that reason could be to love us, teach a lesson, or hurt us in way that would mold us into shape. Whatever it is, we should be thankful about it. (awtz,,yeah right. be thankful.even so it means he'd be leaving?that could be something hard to accept. )

S0meh0w, n0thing t0 w0rry ab0ut.
N0t a big deal th0ugh.


C0z


im already taken..



Yeah..


Taken f0r granted.Again.L0lz
Im s0 used t0 it already.

all i c0uld say is,thank y0u!
Thank y0u because 0f what had happened,
0r whatever y0u have in mind f0r letting g0 0f me, (i presume,)
y0u had given me the 0pp0rtunity to judge y0u s0 easily.

Impatient - y0uve gr0wn t0o tired 0f waiting.
C0ward - your s0 afraid f0r what c0uld 0r might have been.You never trusted me and that's y0ur l0ss.

Oh,bef0re my mind diverts away t0 s0me 0ther imp0rtant th0ughts, an infinite thanks t0 y0u,Mr._________. I sh0uld have grieve f0r such a l0ss 0f y0u and yet im fl0ating with j0y. I've never been like this. I understand that when God takes away s0mething g0od, its bcoz He has something better to give. And yeah...

See, I have l0st s0mething and in-exchange f0r that i gained what I've really been missing f0r all these years..

my true self..

Friday, December 19, 2008

Inside the Ship

12/19/08



We had this Shipboard FAM last thursday and yeah,,i admit it's fun yet i've been so damned.
it was so uneasy of me letting myself get in the ship..

the reason could be shallow but its just that i don't wanna stay there..
I flinch while i was there going around after eating the early dinner..

No way i'd be working on a ship. Now i remember the last time i got myself lost.
Its the way to the port..but why?? Was it a sign that i have my future on the sea?errr..That's a no-no!

This coming February i think is my onboard training..T_T
And the big problem is the payment for it. that could run more or less 15-20thou?for just a week?

wow!!!
that big amount could be used for my surgery already..




"♪.♫...you don't know me..
you dont even care..
you said,you dont know me...
and you don't wear my chains..
I think I'll go to Boston
I think that im just tired
I think I need a new town to leave this all behind
I think I need a sunrise
Im tired of sunset.. ♪ ♫ ♪...♫
"

Selfless Love?

12/19/08

A bitter truth:

Its hard to resist one's wishes or desires even though,
you could only have little or sometimes nothing left at all to give:-(
but still,you do spare what's been left on you
w/o giving concern about the outcomes.

You just give and give unselfishly.


For many times, it may seem okay.

But aren't they abusing your goodness?
Its because you just can't say NO to them
they could ask a favor in no time then?

At zero hours, things could go far beyond as what've been expected..
and asking favors beyond someone's limitations might sometimes reach its high peak
Sooner or later, it might wear out one's being without their thought.

However, when this happens have you ever been asking yourself or
Did these thoughts ever crossed your mind?
why am i so good?
why do i have to give when little or nothing's left on me?

Some may say that could be wrong sometimes.. *shrugs*
Giving without thinkin' of yourself at all. *this line confuses me,haha"
But how can you resist them when they're really in need of something?
You just can't say NO. Guilt stings you know..

And yeah.. that's it.
I could outlive the moments as long as Im aware of what I'm doing.
Maybe, that's just me? And that might be hard to change just for somebody..


Thursday, December 18, 2008

Cherished Friends

12/18/08

Cherished Friends
by: Roselyn Valdevieso

God must have known there would be time
We'd need a word of cheer,
Someone to praise a triumph
Or brush away a tear.
He must have known we'd need to share
The joy of "little things"
In order to appreciate
The happiness life brings.
I think He knew our troubled hearts
Would sometimes throb with pain,
At trials and misfortunes,
Or goals we cant attain.
He knew we'd need the comfort
Of an understanding heart
To give us strength and courage
To make a fresh,new start.
He knew we'd need companionship,
unselfish...lasting...true,
And so God answered the
heart's great need
with cherished friend...
Like you!ü

--------------
from a great loving friend who's always been there during my high and low times.
rose, thanks for making this poem for me.really appreciate the effort esp the friendship we share.
lab yo gid ko bah.hahaha ^^

Screwed up

12/18/08

aarghh...been magnetized again by this coding thingy..
be back later...i forgot that id be having this Ship Fam by 2pm..

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

How can you say if you love the person?

12/17/08


A very tough question.

Got this from my fellow blogger while i was on a bloghop
so,quoted it..


"Its loving the WHOLE Package....


and the EXCESS BAGGAGE!"


Thanks for this thought...

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Bloggy

12/16/08

bloggy, been missing you.. T_T
dontwori, after all these school stuffs im gonna post more entries.
ahiii..ive found a cute song chords. ^^ gonna try this for sure.
LOL,, im so lazy right now in going to school.haha
is it because Christmas break is fast approaching?haha

*overwhelmed w/ joy*
nevermind..just super-duper happy right now.haha
of course not that im inspired by someone..
its just that im happy giving what i have without expecting something in return.
not for someone i really love but for people who i just knew this day..haha
you can't give what you don't have.ayt? so im just sharing the blessings i had received from God on this very day..


(to be continued...)

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Untitled

12/14/08

*looking for chiffon cake recipe*

huwaa..dont know what to type..
ill update you 2mro.bye2 blog!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Scarlet

12/11/08




(A song from Ayashi no Ceres)

Can you still see your dreams in the distant, starry sky?
Are they more vivid than they were when you were little?

When one forgets to put the emotions that overflow in her heart to rest, they burn the color of passion.

I used to believe without a doubt that I could reach my dreams, no matter how far off they were.
But that me from long ago now sleeps inside my heart.

Dreams are more fragile and fleeting than a glass rose,
so then why are we destined to dream?

Sometimes two dreams can turn into love,
but there are also times when they can't.

Even when they're alone, people want to share their feelings, but it can be so hard.
Words are powerless to express one's feelings, and sometimes they become a silver knife.

Even when they're alone, people want to share their feelings, but it can be so hard.
Words are powerless to express one's feelings, and sometimes they become a silver knife.

I used to believe without a doubt that I could reach my dreams, no matter how far off they were.
But that me from long ago now sleeps inside my heart.

---------------------------------
later q na tpusin.ahehe my pasok pa kac..

Alone

12/11/08

Alone
(English translation)

A dry breeze is blowing
The city is getting cold
I wonder how many seasons have passed
Without even a sound?

All of the people coming and going
Bear heavy burdens,
Searching for tomorrow
Within the heat haze wavering in the distance.

Feelings like sand
Falling through my hands...
Back then, the words that pierced my heart
Suddenly started to throb with pain, but...

I've searched for pieces of myself,
Counting the endless nights all the while.
These feelings are becoming so certain
I almost lose myself.
Right now, without fail, I will walk forward, however far.

I wonder, why is the sky
So vast?
Even though I tried to yell, my voice didn't come
And the tears poured out.

I wonder where the birds are flying off to,
As they freely slice through the wind?
One can't return to the same place
As it once was in days gone by.

Even if I give up my dream like this,
I won't suppress my soaring heartbeat.
Someday, I want to reach
As high as the clouds.
I'll spread wide the wings in my heart and journey once again

I will reach it, without fail.

I've searched for pieces of myself,
Counting the endless nights all the while.
These feelings are becoming so certain
I almost lose myself.
Right now, without fail, I will walk forward, however far

=================
A song from Gensoumaden Saiyuki.
Got the song title from my classmates Menas and Diane who were an anime addict.
am not an anime fan, though..
its just the song im attracted to, u know. *grin*


Monday, December 8, 2008

Moving on...

12/8/08

Now playing: Another Day - Mojofly


miss ko na ang FM at mga tao dun.

computer-related course sana kunin ko
kya nga lang ng-iba na decision ko..Photobucket
what's with u brain??Photobucket haha
gusto ko sana dumalaw dun kaya lg baka maadik na nman ako sa kkgawa ng layouts..
kaya buti pa mag mgmove-on na ako..ahehe
happy nman ako ngaun sa course ko..Photobucket
no regrets..masaya mgbake ng cakes!
nkakapagod lang ang housekeeping subj kac kelangan tlga mglinis.hehe

thanks naman at npadalaw c sis aufelle sa blog ko.at least papano mjo mbabawasn pagkamiss ko sa fmians.hehe

xia nga pla,,about my previous entry..
parang di ko xia like.ahaha
cnxa na..resulta lg yun ng boredom..
i've changed already..you can see me ! see?haha
we can't avoid nman mdepress paminsan2 dba?
its better to be emotional sometimes para naman mailabas mga hinanaing mo
dan to suppress it.kaw lang din masasaktan.ayt?

"smile and the world smiles with you.
cry and you cry alone."


that's the reality naman eh.
Each time we wake up,
we only have two choices to make.
and that's only to be
happy or be sad.
if you wanna be happy all day
then you have to make the right choice-be happy.
if you wanna be sad then its up to you..
Remember, we are the ones making the choices and our future depends on how we make our decisions..

And because every single moment counts,be it happy or sad,we should seize the day with courage & hope!!!
Let's enjoy life
i'm cool !!!and keep our spirits high..hiyeah!!hu'hu'hu'
(ang kyut ng emoticons q.ayiiih)



Just Pondering...

12/8/08

Now Playing: Wake Up by Mojofly




argh...im jz wasting my time doing nothing in front of my monitor..
my stomach is shouting for food again..
anyway,i dont have a class tomorrow..
its not a loss but an opportunity for me..hurray.haha
i can go online till morning..
oopz i promiz last night not to stay late again.did i?Photobucket

*a big deep sigh*
when will these scars just fade away? its frustrating me..
im wondering how can i ---no ...no...no`


oh btw, im planning to have a vacation on Christmas break..kaka
um,,,at the hospital.haha
hayz,,i haven't told my parents regarding this matter.im so concerned about my cruise on summer.where should i get the money for my practicum?
hmm,,i think i have to prioritize first my health..id be going 21 soon and oa.... huhuhuhuhuhuhuuhu----

when will these pains stop pestering me?
can i just go on considering im not sick?hixhix
awtz,,how?everytime i look at myself in the mirror,
im scared looking at my own reflection.ahehe
hay,no kidding..

how can i not mind these things?my eyes,my skin, and my Photobucket..

what makes me more sick is when people ask me why this and that..
is there someone who could just accept me without knowing what's really on my past?im so tired explaining over and over again...
if i could just record those then surely it wouldn't bother me and moreover i wont be wasting a little of my saliva it wont be paining my heart.ayt??? coz everytime im telling what had happened, its breaking me down instead of being thankful id survive. i just can't forget those things easily..esp the struggles and hardship of my love ones for me..

i owe them my life. have to do such things to repay those hardships they did for me..
but maybe for the meantime,i have to work on
my self first, even though some people might say im selfish..



(to be continued..)

Sunday, December 7, 2008

The Unutterable Words Part 3

again,, im troubled by the same existing person
and I can't really tell if he's an imaginary being
i just made up on my mind or a real existing one.

The bliss which transpired long months ago
had eventually awaken me again -
The thing which Im expecting chances with.

Yet the more it's getting closer to me,
the more i feel so awkward grasping it on my hands too tight
just to avoid being redrifted away by the wind.

Yeah, i admit im a coward.
Afraid it would escape from me again but
embracing it is the fact that would be hard for me to do.

How would I welcome it when Im not so sure about it?
Its hard to pretend its nothing when in fact it could be everything?
Everthing I've dreamed of.. wished of!
Everthing I've longed for and prayed for!

Who would come to believe that?..
You might be saying its a Lie!
Imaginations aren't that real right?

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Boredom Strikes

12/6/08

Listening to: Moment of Truth by Fm Static

ai excuse me, ano nlg ni ya?hahaha im bored.la na my gsbay skon.ahehe its ok.
ikaw nlg gni storyahon ko
ahai...if i could just type ALL whats playing on my mind, i would.
but maybe it would take me years to type everything what's stirring me up.LOL

wait.ill just get myself something to eat.*eating-a-donut mode*


im back.hmm..Nu nami nga fillings for choco cake mn?
BRB

hay huo joi.mau gd na nhimo mu.pulaw na nman.grrr
promiz,just a few more minutes.(few? more?LOL im confused)
i'll jz wait for my momci n company to arrive.

"♪..♫..and i miss you more
whenever i think about you.
..been so long since we've been talking
and in a few more days we'll both hook up,
forever and ever..
♪..♫.♪...."

*photoshopping mode<---miz dz 1* guess i can sleep by now.ahehe gnyt... signing off

Could you stay?

12/6/08

Now Playing: Stay by Lisa Loeb




im sleepy na..but i have to finish the menu book for our waitering..
Photobuckethayz..la lng. Some strange thoughts have just crossed my mind. i dont know..
i have realized that everything in this world isn't under my controlPhotobucket
And its stinging me right here (v)
yeah,he's a good guy.
a great one maybe.
but i don't have to press him to stay just for me.
if he wanted to, he would.

is it still me? its depressing that i could be nothing to him when for me, he's ---i dunno
he's everything.ahuuu hu..hu...

i dont even wanna think about it.
its just crushing me..
I need your strength Lord.T_T

What's next?

12/6/08

Now Playing: Suntok sa Buwan by Session Road

sorry if im always bringing bad news to you...
ano man bi ke,huhu la lng..hehe
huo ah,,buang na kng buang.so what?haha
awtz gd ya..sakit arms ko sa floor polisher.
nu ni klase nga course mn?hahaha okay2,look at the brighter side.
il take it as an exercise.haha pero sakit gd ya eh..
im sad staring at you!!yes,ikaw..monitor.hehe
i wanna see the moon..huhu december 13 pa..
i cant wait...

hmm...whats awaiting me the next time
i see the scene of you??Photobucket
getting excited..what could be my next encounter?hehe Photobucket

The Thought of Him

12/6/08

Now playing: Angel by Tres

Again, i find it hard to stay in front of the monitor because it only makes me blue.i guess there's no other reason for me to go online but my school works.


there's so much things i've learned for weeks when i lost my contact to him and im so proud to have these progress..yes, i admit it im doing these for him not just for myself. But what could be so fulfilling when the one whom you're preparing yourself at is already gone? how could you be so happy without sharing this to someone special, without letting him know about it?

there's this feeling inside that depresses me. maybe its the thought of losing him. am i too late to let him know what and to whom my heart is truly shouting for? That i'd wanted him so bad..to be mine alone. no shares just, just me..the worst thing i have in mind is that id wanted him to be not just mine now but to be mine forever. is this insanity or what? falling in love so bad without seein' the person, without holding any info about him seems mysterious and wrong. yet i cant help my self staying away from the thought of him. because that's the thing that awakes me from reality.Is it just the thought that i love about him?if its just the thought, why would i bother preparing myself for just a thought, or an imagination i say?

but its.. (to be continued...)

Monday, December 1, 2008

A New Canvas of Life

12/1/08


so glad about the progress i've made
but at the same time, scared.
Scared
for the fact that im beginning to lose someone.
I've been gone for a week and i think that worried him.It made me worry less for im holdin' on to his words, "im always here for you.." The problem is,if he knows how to keep those words. it don't matter if for them i seemed like nuts believing him. i don't really care. i wanna thank him for everything.. because of him, i was able to renew my life.. a lot of things i never realized before. but now, my eyes are widely open about the realities. It was then when he said i don't know how to balance my life, when i began to decide 'bout renewing.
my life is beginning to have its directions.
im so full of hope now,
my depression lessened,
starting to mingle with people,
i learn how to enjoy my life..
balance my time at school,
give time for my self to enjoy.
He had awaken me from a deep sleep. and im so grateful to God for sending me someone like him. If given a single wish, i'd like him to stay FOREVER. but i just cant love him unless i am whole. gradually,i have to pick up first the small pieces of me.
 

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