Say it Again

Im so disappointed of my performance 3 hours ago..i should have not stayed on the computer and spend my time making layouts. Maybe in that way, i could have performed well in class. Although my professor was impressed with my composition, still i wasn't contented the way i deliver them. grr.. I got tensed, lost my focus and turned out catching and recalling what the next lines could be. It was such a total failure and i couldn't help hating myself for not preparing before the day of my performance. Well at least, i have learned another lesson.


*Sigh* I don't know what's really bugging me. I always lost my focus whenever Im emotionally stressed. Is this an after-effect?LOL guess not.


Yeah,, people might say im physically better than before. That i recovered from my sickness. That after the terrible experience i had, the only scar I have is the scars on my skin. But the truth, the effects of that traumatic experience back two years ago scarred psychologically and emotionally not only on physical aspect. They forgot to realize the hidden scars. Its located here..inside me. in my mind,in my heart. That's bugging me up to now. The scar which aren't visible to everyone's eyes. Though im trying to look good and okay, i can't afford to lie to God and to my self that Im not. My mind is cluttered with so many questions and worries that i barely focus unto something. I always got this unwanted headache especially when Im experiencing tension, disappointment, solitude and other negative thoughts and emotions i have in mind.


Its so tiring that I wanna go somewhere, far from where i am right now, to find my self, work on and focus on the part where i think i've lost. I wanna enjoy life yet many factors hinders me to do so. Maybe a big adjustment on my part and to the environment can help. grr,,im working on that lately but it doesn't seem to work.haha I feel so alone when i step out of the school's premises. What the hell am i talking?i shouldn't be like this? Im strong. I must be..because I have to and thats the only way i know to see the brightest end in my journey. Patience joy...patience...