I'm Not Insensitive

im not insensitive. i just know how to control my emotions.
i know what to let inside my system and what to not.
i would know if its real coming from me or not, for i know myself.
Only I knows what's happening inside.
These inner peace I've cultivated helps me to recognize what's true and right
from what's insincere and unfavorable.
i take responsibility for my self and im not the one who blames other people
because I got hurt. I realized i got hurt because there's something wrong within me.
Some discoveries about truth had set me free. Thank you Lord for showing me the light.

Another task

This is an unusual job.
I believe you've put me in this situation
because You know that I could handle this.
Exciting! Show me how to do it, Lord.

Magic

A painting is more than the sum of its parts.
A cow by itself is just a cow.
A meadow by itself is just grass,flowers
and the sun peeking through the trees is just a beam of light
but you put them all together,and it can be magic. Flipped

More Patience

dear Lord, please extend my patience please.
why does being good sometimes leads you into trouble?

I am always yours, Lord♥

In the midst of an hopeless hour you still intervene using tech to remind me of my worth.i really love the way you tease me Lord.
If not in radios,tvs,thru txt pa ha..hmmm
i couldn't help but smile at You. You're so sweet Lord that's why I
super duper love ya! Let's just set aside those things till its time.
I can afford to give up everything but not my relationship with you Lord.
Because with You, I can have back all what I've lost in full circle.
Thanks for the patience. I wait till it takes forever.

Forgiven

Sometimes it doesn't take a million words to forgive a person
but with just a single word, all pains of yesterday are brush off to air.

Guy on a Gray Shirt

The night I was watching mya ll-time favorite movie, Serendipity.I slept late and usually I don't get any dreams when I'm deprived of sleep. I woke up to pee but couldn't resume my sleep after.It was about 2-3am when I saw a vision at the back of my mind. A guy wearing a gray polo shirt. i couldn't clearly see what's on with the neck. Was it a collar? 'Twas vague.

I couldn't see the face.Im trying hard to make it visible but to no avail. Another picture flashed. It's a guitar and then followed by a white guitar pick..what was that all about?

Im sure it wasn't a dream.
100% SURE. I was really aware of my environment and the way I positioned my self on bed.

"45-degree angle from the headboard,
nkaside view to the left facing the door with short in and out breaths.hahah"

And there's more to that! on the next blog.haha
I couldn't spill it over here. i just don't know why.
There are many MAYBE's and WHAT IF's.
AND i dont wanna think there's a connection to that.
One of the Maybe's: Im afraid it could have any relation.aaaaaaaaaaaah

Splash of the past

Its been a year and was expecting this would fade.
But it don’t.

I’ve let you go, thinking that this might not be His plan for me. The uncertainty and twists of events has lead me to the point of giving up my hopes.

I’ve been praying hard up to his moment if this aren’t from Above, or that isn’t according to His plan, He can take away these unknown feelings that keeps buggin' me over a year. Im gladly giving it away to You, Lord. Well I know this is crazy..coz it unnaturally disturbed my brain cells thinking for reasons of why im splashing out my thoughts again about the same old story. sorry. this won’t happen again. I just can’t bear the thought of it..

IKDG (cont)

Chapter One

So This Is Love?

Beyond What Feels Good, Back to What Is Good

It was finally here - Anna's wedding day, the day she had dreamed about and planned for months. The small, picturesque church was crowded with friends and family.

Sunlight poured through the stained-glass windows, and the gentle music of a string quartet filled within her. This was the moment for which she had waited so long. He gently took her hand, and they turned toward the altar.

But as the minister began to lead Anna and David through their vows, the unthinkable happened. A girl stood up in the middle of the congregation, walked quietly to the altar, and took David's other hand. Another girl approached and stood next to the first, followed by another. Soon, a chain of six girls stood by him as he repeated his vows to Anna.

Anna felt her lip begin to quiver as tears welled up in her eyes. "Is this some kind of joke?" she whispered to David.
"Im.. Im sorry, Anna," he said, staring at the floor.
"Who are these girls, David? What is going on?" she gasped. "They're girls from my past," he answered sadly. "Anna, they don't mean anything to me now...but I've given part of my heart to each of them."

"I thought your heart was mine," she said.
"It is, it is," he pleaded. "Everything that's left is yours."
A tear rolled down Anna's cheek. Then she woke up.

Betrayed

Anna told me about her dream in a letter. "When I awoke I felt so betrayed," she wrote. "But then I was struck with these sickening thoughts: How many men could line up next to me on my wedding day? How many times have I given my heart away in short-term relationships? Will I have anything left to give my husband?"

I often think of Anna's dream. The jarring image haunts me. There are girls from my past, too. What if they showed up on my wedding day? What could they say in the receiving line?

"Hello, Joshua. Those were some pretty lofty promises you made at the altar today. I hope you're better at keeping promises now than you were when I knew you."

"My, don;t you look nice in that tuxedo. And what a beautiful bride. Does she know about me? Have you told her all the sweet things you used to whisper in my ear?"

There are relationships I can only look back on with regret. I do my best to forget. I laugh them off as part of the game of love that everyone plays.

I know that God has been faithful to forgive as I've asked Him to. And I know that the various girls have forgiven me, because I've asked them to.

But Im still aware of the consequences of my selfishness. I gave my heart away too many times. And I took from girls what wasn't mine.
This is the rest of the post

I Kissed Dating Goodbye

i've been on a long vacation and never even missed my blog..haha
i've been too busy enjoying with so many things.
things so unusual as it was before.
although things can sometimes go mad, i hardly noticed catching myself from despair.


Everything is totally great and loving.
It is so fun pleasing God in everything you think and do.

And when i think back of the disappointments and heartaches i had on my past, i can clearly say, it was all too selfish. Love was selfish. It is a worldly kind of love. not God's definition of love. After reading a few pages of the book, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" I can say im still innocent if in terms of His definition.

The reason that I have little time in blogging its because I want to spend more time pleasing God and to learn more about His definition of true love. (i've spent also time farming which adds up also to my busy schedule *grin*)

its hard to explain my feelings today. it's indescribable.. i smile without even knowing the reasons why. (im not being lunatic or what) Its an overwhelming feeling entrusting your future to God that everything would turn out fine.And it really is. I've turn richer than i could ever remember - not financially but spiritually.

Being single would never be a problem at all. =p

Reading Joshua Harris' book entitles "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" had inspired me throughout my journey -- to wait for God's timing. i have just started reading a few pages. And I really recommend you to read it too. Its an awesome book.

I KISSED DATING GOODBYE
Introduction

Thanks for picking up this book. Some people never get past the title.

"My friends won't touch it," one girl told me. "They hear the title and say, "There's no way I would ever do that."

One guy urged me to change the title. "More people would read it," he said. Maybe he's right. I heard the story of a confused bookstore customer who asked the owner for a copy of I Kissed My Date Goodbye. Now there's a book with a message people would read!

I decided to call this book I Kissed Dating Goodbye because I want to be up front with you - there are some radical ideas on these pages. Most other books on dating will tell how to make dating work for you. This book tells you how to make your life pleasing to God - even if that means taking a break from dating.

So let me make a simple request. Just read the first chapter. If nothing in it grabs you, that's fine. But I think you'll discover that something in this book could help you.

You see, I don't want to argue with you about whether or not you should date. Yes, I'll be honest about the problems I see in the way most people date today. But ultimately my goal isn't to convince you to stop dating. I want to help you examine the aspects of you life that dating touches - the way you treat others, the way you prepare for your future mate, your personal purity - and look at what it means to bring these areas in line with God's Word.

So even though in one sense this book is about dating, in another sense dating isn't really the point. The point is what God wants. Discussing if or how to date isn't an end in itself. Talking about it serves a purpose only when we view it in terms of its relation to God's overall plan for our lives.

You may not agree with some of the things I write. That's okay. My hope is that you'll stick around to see what I have to say. If you at least walk away from this book with a little more wisdom, my mission will have been accomplished - and your life could be enhanced. I pray that the ideas shared here will bring you a little close to God's desire for your life.

So thanks again for picking up the book. Thanks for reading more than the title.

-Joshua Harris

It's so nice to be happy!

here we go again.... *smile* *grin* *more grins* ahahaha

some people might think you're getting crazy day after day smiling, laughing for some unknown reasons..what they do not know that behind those smiles and laughs is not just about faking, masking and stuff which they had commonly seen, heard or felt from others. but its more like saying, i'm true, contented and genuinely happy inside and out.

Overjoyed

can't further pinpoint where my current emotions are generated from.
felt so high today.. *sigh* *grin*

some familiar state i was experiencing last year..
same old feelings..exactly!

still examining myself what could be the reasons why.
i wanna know in the first place why i feel so inspired..
im sure its not about that someone im talking past in my blog..
nor that i found someone new..
doesn't have anything to do with my grades..
nor with the 2 surprising scholarships i had received a few months ago..
or for passing the tesda assessment..

hmmm..im in the process of thinking.


i could still describe what i am doing when i was in that euphoric state..
was so happy that time that love overflowed and radiated out my whole being.

i could still remember, my notes are doodled always with heart shapes. (till now, i carried it with me)
even my buko pie during my baking class have hearts also..haha (sometimes my buddy diane and i are having minor argumentations because of our differing designs.hers was a broken heart and mine was the opposite,haha)
everything im doing was engraved or embellished with hearts ..LOL
can't imagine myself for skipping 2 classes just to send heart cookies from negros to cebu..haha (never done that before)
or sending some recorded sound clips through web..XD
or giving away slices of cake or a plate of dish to some people i don't know much..
i remembered the tricycle driver of my same age(i think), who asked for my number in a few weeks time after i handed him a piece of cake..ahaha (maybe he'd thought i liked him. totoinks!)

the old love feeling is re-existing..
yesterday, someone complimented on me and asked me if im in love?XP
"yes, im in love, as always. " what did i said? in love? ahaha
words just slipped out my mouth, ya know..^^

i dunno. nothing is bothering me right now.not even heartaches and confusion
just wanna enjoy everything i am in right now..ahaha
maybe, this heart-nosed creature could demo it for me


Good night everyone..


p.s. a very significant day for me. 16. Love you, LORD!^^
(would be editting/adding some lines in my next visit)