Saturday, November 22, 2008

Follow your Heart or Mind?

11/22/08

Tong Hua (Fairytale-English Translation)
lovely...lovely...lovely
cute song



================♥
I've just taken a quiz at Tickle.com ..and the results

Heart-Strong Romantic

Whether you planned it or not, you just can't help but follow your feelings when it comes to matters of l'amour. You're a passionate person who can't ignore things that fit you to a T — whether it's that perfect pair of jeans, a good cause, or the love of a lifetime.
Sure, things don't always go according to plan, but with an irrepressible drive like yours, you'd better get used to it! Living life as a fake just isn't in the cards for you. So open up your arms and embrace what life throws your way — especially if it happens to be the man of your dreams!


uhuh?you made me confuse again...

================♥


huhuhu...Photobucketwell i think he doesn't really love me..gru...gru (COLD)
hu..hu...can't bear this pain anymore..okay okay..acceptedloser
but i just can't surrender without giving much effort..

at least,in the end there would be no regrets if i give my all.
after all..it doesn't really matter if he doesn't feel the same way as i do.hiz...hiz

but i think i have to withdraw first for a week to reshape..

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Confessions 101

11/19/08

Photobucket
Now playing:
Heart of my Soul by Carol Banawa



as of the moment,these are the things that troubles my mind..

MY...


1.
Unseen friend
Photobucketim missing him more of each passin' days
i really wanted him to be on my side.
A hopeless wish, i believe firmly; somethin' i get myself accustomed with
A fantasy that only fate could allow such impossible things to happengru...gru (COLD)
that someday, we'll be together always..
Would this hixhixbe really happening?
Only God knows..

2. Partner in kitchen
PhotobucketMy baking subject which is suppose to be one of my fave
subj turns out to be a curse for me..

i wanna change partner Photobucket could i?
how can i tell him? its not that easy Photobucket
i can't leave him alone. he has no friends but me.


Tuesday, November 18, 2008

The Unutterable Words Part 2

Running away never means your leaving behind what you've started
But taking a break on what was happening around.

To find yourself..
To think..
To reshape..
To grow.. amidst the distance.

You try to pick up the scattered pieces of yourself on where you have left,
so when you comeback you're WHOLE and won't be intimidated again by your fears.
But sometimes, things aren't going so well as what've been expected. You came back
smelling something great might happen yet it turns out the other way around.

It's so pathetic when you go 'home' with nothing left in your hands. T_T
You couldn't help but assume the one you're coming back is nonexistent.

Bunch of questions is boggling you like...
How to smooth out things when you can't see the creases?
How would you start it all over again when you're the only one who cares?
How to make it more interesting when you don't know what words to speak?

The saddest and the oddest part is that,
you can't spell out what exactly the whole thing is
when all you know is that,
it has a huge impact in your life you can't easily throw away.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Funride under the Moon

11/13/08


.

The night was so cold. Again, the second time i had no accounting class. I was on my way out from school when i noticed the moon above me so bright and full. *moonstruck*

It amazed me by no reason that i can't stop gazing at it. There, i crossed down the street still gazing at the moon, then get myself in the jeepney. Lots of passengers are on a ride but i saw nobody but me who's watching every details and appreciating the beautiful features of the moon. On my way home, i noticed something different.

The place....ahuh?? was it the place?

My eyes got busy searching for familiar places but i'd never seen those before.. I've been scanning the jeepney's titles but never found the word "Mandalagan" on it. Only that i realized that im riding the wrong jeepney. Aha!It's so weird that i never felt the fear. Its seems like somebody is watching over me..watching me through the moon?ahaha a weird feeling..


Yes, its the moon.Although i had this someone runnin' in my mind but its the moon definitely that blinded me and been the reason i got lost at that moment. It leaded me to a dark unknown place where i've never been before.

Minutes passed by, i was the only one riding the jeepney and it stopped on a dark place somewhere like in a squatter's area. I asked the driver if he's going back to "Libertad" he said,"yes" It was indeed a sigh of relief. because if he's not going back, im pressed to tell him that i got lost even though its kinda embarassing. But because he'd be driving back, i watched the sky again..I should be on a fear state but i was overwhelmed by happiness instead.LOL

Ahhh...the sky with the twinkling stars on it, the moon, so beautiful and the wind brushing my cheeks, was so cold. The moment was very unforgettable. It wiped away my worries.. very overwhelming & relieving experience,i tell you!

While i was riding, watching the sky and feeling the cold wind a music was played on the fm station. Its the song i've sung for him,his fave song. I did enjoy the ride too much that a small tear fell down from my right eye..imagine!my right eye?? (my left eye,could be but my right?never. it could only shed a single tear once in a while)
i couldn't remember well when was the last time it occurred. that was last year i think?strange...

Thanks God, the driver was so good that nothing bad had happened to me. After the funride, (well i dunno if that was fun for you,,but for me it was really a big fun though i was alone) i was on my way home for real---but still staring intently at the moon until i went inside the house..

I got tired and throw myself on my bed when somebody message me. guess who?? LOL weird!

But anyway,thank you Lord for nothing bad had happened to me and thank you for sparing that night for me. ^^

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Heart 4 Sale?

11/11/08


what does your ava tell??
i just thought im just the one you------

yeah right, just a sort of my stupid imaginations.

can't bear this anymore..
why would people wants me to be happy then just leave like... like...

I dunno.
I dunno.
I dunno.

like the wind?? maybe.as what the song says...

Alright.
That's it!
I surrender.
I won't allow anybody to let me fall again..not ever!
I ended up
Photobucket

I always thought he would be the one for me..
Because i have this strong weird feeling which I've just felt for the first time.
That He is really for me. weird as you would thought..
But i guess i should be leaving it to God..and let the fate do the work.
Of course, it pains me but I believe God's love & His plan for me never fails.


Sunday, November 9, 2008

Fighting Blues Away

11/9/08

Now Playing:
You are Not Alone by Michael Jackson

.
.


Again im feeling so down right now..
I know i shouldn't be like this because he don't like me to be on this state..
im sorry but i can't help myself.
I just don't know why..
I feel like crying and i don't know some way to cheer me up but blogging.
Here, i can write up anything what's runnin' on my mind...in silence.
...without anybody dictating me what to do, think or say.

i always find ways to express myself when im lonely or gay.
as of now, im back in photoshopping..
back in playing a guitar..reading books, watching tv shows and movies.
what's with me?

My old days..
My life which once i get my self accustomed with is
A dull life..living contentedly with what i just have,
not happy though but just making out of what i have
and getting myself used to it.

Yet now, the once darkened world had been lit up.
i can never believe im so full of life right now.
I've never been this alive..


[...typing on progress]

Friday, November 7, 2008

Ashen

11/7/08


.


Now Playing:
I'll Always Be Right There

----------------------------
Imagine,,,we've lost our communication for long long months and id say i missed the talks we used to have - sharing both of our life's experiences. We always have this senti talks.haha kinda weird i know..but yeah,,he's one of my confidants. He's a sweet caring guy, a very good friend u can share your problems with, and most of all what i like more about Him...


He's very close to God.
Maybe that's the reason until now our friendship lasts...because of GOD.
I may never forget that every time we talk, we would never run out of "GOD" in our conversations; praising and appreciating God of how wondrous He is in running our lives.

Well, both of us we're planning to have a bonding before he leaves Negros. Yes, he's leaving. He would be staying in Manila for good. How i wish we could bond together before he leaves.

Thanks for bein' a part of me!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Kiss from a Rose

.
Photobucket
Now Playing:
Kiss from a Rose by Seal
------------------------------

pasensiya,,sira ulo kasi author nito.ahaha kaya sorry pag di nagtutugma title ko sa content nito.haha

hay salamat, my time pa pla ako dalawin 'tong blog na toh...
well in fact,,di ko na to binigyan ng pansin..yaiz..hehe sorry..

dont worry,, andito na me! asan na u? Photobucket

eto,,funny nia oh.Photobucket ang happy nia.ntatawa tuloy aq


teka,,i can't concentrate typing.ahehe my narining ako sa labas eh..
baka andun ulit cuz q..

hayz..kkainlove kac pag tumutugtog yun..galing mg-acoustic.dun ako kanina sa terrace. nakikinig lang sa kanila. ganda ng songs na tinutugtog nla..plus factor ang hangin..sarap sa pkiramdam.nkakarelieve ng stressPhotobucket lalo na pagkasama mo yung taong special sayo Photobucket



wait...hanap ako smileys.para naman masaya basahin tong
walang kwentang entry ko ngayon..ahaha Photobucket

ayan,,ang cu-cute nla.ahehe

hay,wait..akalain me msg pla ako??ahaha cno kaya..mabasa nga.Photobucket
haayz...

bat kaya yun nireply ko?? Photobucket
Photobucketsorry...sinaktan q na nman yung tao...

okay na din siguro yun.para di na ako umasa pa..
di na talaga ako mg-eexpect.stupid lang talaga cgro ako..
sori tao lg poPhotobucket
di naman talaga ako siguro mahal nun..can't see the effort in him.
till here na lang po..kausapin ko to muna

good nightPhotobucket

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Screen turns black!

11/5/08

.
now playing:
Miss You by MYMP

-----------------------

i was on a blogging state as of the moment.^^
i was about to type something when my screen turned black!heck...
not just the screen but the whole house..

i was never scared but its funny of me creeping and avoiding things in the dark so i wont break any of them...i was lost and can't find my room.hahaha

its really dark that touching things is my only hope to find my way bcoz i dont have my phone with me. everyone is at sleep and i was creeping so people wont hear any noise from me.hahaha silly..thank God i found the doorknob of my room.LOL

Got disgusted and i throw my self on the bed when...

tada!! the lights went on!!! see??
they're just playing on me. tsk3

and ,,here i am..on a typing mode again..^^

what's that again?oh yeah...what i wanted to tell is about the story made by my friend.
i got myself busy reading it for 2 days i think.its a 4 volume book handwritten by her illustrated with those cute funny drawings on..

the story is so good that i can't even stop reading it.
i borrowed it during our prelims yet i only got the chance to read those now ..
is it because im bored or what?lolz but yeah,i really appreciate the story and its making me blue when i remember them..

yeah i know,,its too crazy pretending i dont miss him when the truth is i miss him so bad!waaah its okay. i know i can handle this.. i have MY GOD with me.so why worry then??hihi
smile =)

time now is 12:27 am.
joi... now signing-off..
"bayang magiliw.."ahehe
gnyt!Zzzz

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Hurting Inside

11/4/08

.

Now Playing:
Hurting Inside by U-turn
---------------------------------------

Am i the culprit here?
Is it really me?

Am i being insensitive?
Am i being ignorant? of how i feel for you? --of how you feel for me?
Its makin me cry !!
you just can't make me fall that easily!!
its hard for me to reach you...your heart particularly.

"maybe it isn't that wide open.." i just told myself..

you're far from me but don't let me feel you're farther than i think....
that won't be easy to do..reaching you out wouldn't be hard if you can just be YOU.


getting so paranoid??aaaaaahh...
am i getting worst or what???
Do i deserve to call my self again STUPID??that suits me i think.

LOVE, love, LOVE!!!!!
its gettin on to my nerves...it suffocates me...it PAINS me!
do you really want me??
or you just wanted me to fall for you??sorry but i think you've failed!!
i didn't fall for you...i didn't!!!!



WHY???





WHY???!!




WHY???!!!





SIMPLY!!!
because im not so IN LOVE with you!!!
im sorry to tell that i don't..




because the truth is..


I LOVE YOU
already...

i don't love the FEELING..its just YOU that i love.
yeah you win *hands down*...so are you happy now??huh??
are you happy seeing me hurting??*sniff*

it pains me.. and its paining me more!
Do you want to ask me why??

yes, i want you to ask me why!!! rather that just saying

SORRY, SORRY, SORRY!!!


this is because im trying so hard to enter your
mind
and your heart as well...

i wanna know what's inside them..
i wanted so bad to know the way you think..you feel..
---what are you thinking, what are you feeling...
all i wanted is just for you to share a little part of yourself
...like we are just one.
i just wanted to help, to take part but i just cant.
' Coz i dont know what's really bothering you inside.


you told me once, you can live by yourself alone.
that keeps my mind playing those words over and over again.
i was scared but i did try..
i keep holding on my beliefs that i could change it.
i wanted to prove you wrong.... that you just cant
i wanted you to need me..
but its just of no use...

yeah,, maybe you're right.
you can be alone..and you have just proved it i say.
you don't need me..
maybe,you just need somebody better than i do.

eventually not me..


you seemed you're putting so much wall for us
which makes it hard for me to be a part of you, perhaps.

I believe, we can make things work for us if we're in this together...
But for the meantime, let's just be friends for a while..
its for the best. i could say...





 

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