Dear You

This is crazy...crazy because its happening to me. I don't know how many times would I have to view this??before my complete SURRENDER.. sheesh..Help me on this Lord..This is completely maddening. Sometimes you'll feel good, sometimes you'd long to hear from someone, sometimes you'll feel so uplifted, then there would be times you cry for unknown reasons in the middle of bliss? which you feel  is not from you,,but coming from someone..some sort of connection. BRRR

Dear twin,

_________________________________

_________________________________

_________________________________

_________________________________

_________________.

That's what I want to say. So just be it.

I don't know how to put it in words.

You know, just feel. Hehe =P

(Let's just have some videoke session for an energy release ^_^)

Make A Wish

Hi Lord,

Four days to go, its Christmas time! Excitement and a bit inexplicable sensation washed me inside. I started making my 3-in-1 wish list. That's for Christmas, my special day and graduation. haha What's nice about making wish list is that they do come true. I had 2 wish list that were granted already..Amazing! Except for the last one wish on my 2nd list I made in Cebu.I don't know if its delayed or is never meant to be granted. Anyway, let's see.

 My 3rd wish list is kind of impossible so maybe it'll take time to work. I believe it'll come true. So this is it. I'll just wait for next year for the proper receiving.♥ I don't wish the exact title of the gift that it should be __________. I wont complain Lord. All experiences behind me are just a preparatory stage and I learned so much from it. I know you're gonna give the best gift ever. It would not be the one I dreamed of, but likely the one I had never dreamed of. Another one of a kind experience. I'm smelling something great would happen. Sweet Aroma! ^_^


----
Oh btw, I just want to transform this bad feeling into something positive that's why I blogged. hehe well, if I can't have you maybe its really never meant to happen. I'm beginning to accept that fact or else I'll be torturing myself forever with those white lies I'd come up just believing that me and you will be together someday. But my heart know those aren't just lies. Its the truth i received from my inner guidance. Thanks though. God knows how much I do..


How much I prayed,
How much I hurt,
How much I learn,
How much I've changed,
How much I want to reconnect with you,
How much I miss you..
How much I love you without expecting you to love me.

But even how many "how much's" would life took me,
I guess that could never be enough.

Im  T.I.R.E.D. but why do I endure?
I supposed this is what  TRUE LOVE is.
Even how much it consumes you, it's what makes you tough and endure pain.
*Sigh*
this is truly maddening yet kind of magical experience.

Love Butterfly

Looking for that extraordinary butterfly with hearts on its wings.. Here I am today, searching the net for its family..been browsing the different species but still can't find the one im looking for..aaaaaaaaah...mkabuang.haha I just need to find it..If i can't find the real one at least I know they are many..puuuh-leeeeeeez! I don't know why Im so crazy about this butterfly.


Angels. Butterflies. Hearts. Starfish. Stones. Crystals. my favorites.♥♥♥


BUTTERFLY+HEART = (Now, I can't explain the feeling.haha)


I'd be happy seeing that one again.
     I just feel guilty. 
            I killed it. Unintentionally. 

08.23.11 

I made it on the photoshop since I wasn't able to take a pic of it. ^_^

First Love

*I craze over this song..we always sang this back in SOGOD with Hannah and Rhea while lying in the bed or walking down the street or @BB J's Videoke.haha*


(English Version)
Once in a while
You are in my mind
I think about the days that we had
And i dream that these would all come back to me
If only you knew every moment in time
Nothing goes on in my heart
Just like your memories
How I want here to be with you
Once more

You will always gonna be the one
And you should know
How I wish I could have never let you go
Come into my life again
Oh, don't say no
You will always gonna be the one in my life
So true, I believe i can never find
Somebody like you
my first love

Once in awhile
Your are in my dreams
I can feel the warmth of your embrace
And I pray that it will all come back to me
If only you knew every moment in time
Nothing goes on in my heart
Just like your memories
And how I want here to be with you
Once more
yah yah yah

You will always be inside my heart
And you should know
How I wish I could have never let you go
Come into my life again
Please don't say no
Now and forever you are still the one
In my heart
So true, I believe I could never find
Somebody like you
My first love
oh oh

You will always gonna be the one
And you should know
How I wish I could have never let you go
Come into my life again
Oh, don't say no
You will always gonna be the one
So true, I believe I could never find
Now and forever

Confused

hai suzzz... *deep sigh* *and one more sigh*
isn't everything enough? kapoooy...

even how many people waves on me and try to knock at my door, i still end up thinking about the past so blurry..been struggling for years with this emotions...ENOOOOOOOUGGGGHHHH!!!please????

it's a mysterious experience... its diggin down deep in my soul.i dont know, i just couldn't explain this feeling.BRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!

Now i feel so confused on what I'm holding on for so long. As new acquaintances are trying to enter the scene, I dont know if the one that i had believed would still be the one or not. So hard to tell. I see no actions. What if im just trying to build up those lies just to mask the pains? That were not really meant for each other? That I'm just trying to force these things to happen when in fact its not gonna happen?awwww...

anyway, the past few months I met a new friend, but we'd only get close these past few weeks before my return in Negros. His family showed me care..or maybe its just that i care for everyone I met,that's why.Karma it is..Good karma results into good life. The whole family approves and the only problem is me. He's a good guy, responsible, anything you wanted in a guy though he's not that handsome as my past love. Faces doesn't matter to me at all. My eyes would look at the soul directly. But there's still lacking. I wouldn't know yet. Before going home, I made him a scrapbook with our pictures with his family and my friends on. Just a thank you gift. All words used are wholesome and carefully chosen so as not to trigger any emotional flips.I would feel guilty if would enter in this relationship. We've talked about it already. That I couldn't still decide about it since Im waiting for the one God has chosen for me. It's good to know that he agrees with it without any complaints. He buys my medicine, prepares me foods and avoids those things I can't eat. I can feel he really cares for me. And I'm doing the same to his family not because that's what it is supposed to but this is who I am. And Im not just doing it for them but for everyone I meet, Still doing some observations,though. I'm open for the possibilities. WHAT IF? It's him? Only time can tell.

Then I know a friend too, we have so much in common. There's a part in him that I like..but there's still lacking..ai Lord.

Please give me an ALL-in-ONE package, could you?thank you in advance.hehe

all i know for certain is that I'm meeting someone I-don't-know-if-i-know-him-or-not..he's a little closer now.Next year I'll be seeing him - the "One".

Grow and be ready *_*

A Message to my Twin

I thank God f0r lettng us meet again 0n this lifetime. My heart will always remembr you. It doesnt matter if we'll not end up together...but you'll ALWAYS be here in my HEART FOREVER.
.
.
.
For my s0ul rec0gnizes u..
And 0nly u can c0mplete me..

Because y0u are

my 0ther HALF,
my TWIN FLAME.

the 0ne, im waitng
f0r all 0f my life.

You're always
g0nna be the 0NE.

I c0uldn't believe t0 have f0und the REAL THING in u. Thank u s0 much Mr. Archir.N0 w0rds can ever measure 0r explain. N0b0dy c0uld understand this. F0r we b0th know, it's just between God and us.

I'll always treasure you. ^_^
Take care.

L0ve and light,
~j0i

THE REAL THING

Dear Lord,

Thank you for makin' me feel certain that this heart knows what's right.
That this heart could only LOVE but not HATE,
Could only be TRUE but doesn't FAKE.

I couldn't take this as an illusion anymore because I know for sure that this thing is REAL. And only You can undestand that deeply. After almost 3 years of inner debate, I've come to believe that he's my twin. I hope that he would recognize me too.

I felt guilty after reading these pieces of information about the TWIN SOUL RUNNERS.. because I, too, am a runner. I've done all my might to cut all ties yet nothing had happened and it only resulted into depression, ripped soul and unproductive life. And the only effective way I had ever think of is to SURRENDER/ACCEPT that he's the other part of my soul. I've seen a great progress on my development and I feel I am in alignment with my inner self and God. I really do things well.

Im being patient Lord. Whatever happens, I know its for the best of us.

Im gonna leave everything in Your hands Lord.
Just do it Your way.♥

Twin Soul Runner

hai Lord...sauce gd.life gd..this article is making me cry..
I wish to disappear. This is really happening to me.
Even how much I want to forget, do anything to cut ties - NOTHING HAPPENS.
I feel guilty of running away..I've swallowed my pride already and I'm tired of thinking what to do next. What to do??

Acceptance is the only way to end all this insanity.huweh..
Im gonna leave everything in your hands Lord. Just do it Your way.♥

Twin Soul

I can almost relate to this article..very close.haiiiz..
almost the same experience i would say.

"For years I went through life confused about what I believed in.

My parents were religious [my father is a spiritual person] and although I believed in God and tried to follow their faith, there was always something missing. Things didn’t quite add up and I was left confused and with many questions. I turned away from religion and carried on for a few years drifting aimlessly along.

But then my twin soul came back into my life [except this: we had known each other in childhood] but there were no “sparks” back then, and my whole world was turned upside down. I went three years of feeling so much love and also so much fear and pain when it came to my twin soul and myself.

I didn’t know what was going on except for I felt petrified when I loved twin so much but didn’t actually like him as a person (at that time). My spirituality was becoming more apparent to me; I began to see deep down that some of the most real things in life were those that I couldn’t see with the naked eye. But I was too scared to believe in what I felt and knew to be true in my heart, so I carried on for years in great pain, convincing myself I was crazy and it was all in my head. [exactly..felt so insane, imbalanced]

But I knew in my heart that what we felt for each other amongst all the chaos, pain and fighting was real. In fact it was the most real thing about my life. [agreee!!!] But I didn’t have a logical explanation for it, so I blamed it on “obsession” and “weakness”. For however much we tried to push each other away out of fear, we always came back together by this feeling of massive magnetism. It was like I physically couldn’t help but be pulled to him, even if my ego wanted to cut all ties. [this is exactly what i wanted but can't do anything but to accept it] But, what I didn’t realise then is that the ties can never be cut. It was all a lesson in accepting oneself and others unconditionally.

Because he was the counterpart of my soul, I had to learn how to accept that mirror image I saw in him and come to love myself through those feelings of intense vulnerability. He also had to do the same. [i am hoping he would do the same] It’s an ongoing process, but once the difficulties of coming to accept oneself have been overcome, the Joining back together with the other half of your soul is amazing beyond what any human words could ever describe." Continuation

Vibe Bugs?

Im doing great! I feel totally whole and loved! yet despite these heavenly feelings, i have these unknown vibes bugging me for a night or two already. ...sssskkkkkkk! what's this??

THE WEIRD GUY IN MY DREAMS

I forgot what to say nyahaha.
My mind goes blank and I love it more than thinking of so many stuff on the same topic over and over again.
Do you have a psychic or a mystic friend , Lord? HAHAH Can i talk to her about some matters? I just want to know something about these soulmates and twinflames thing.HAHAHA

I've made a research on how to break the bond from the person I knew but it said when you'll have a soulmate encounter it would be difficult to break the bond. HU-WHY?When I don't think of this person it usually sprung on my mind from nowhere or in my dreams unexpectedly. This is kinda crazy. I'm making everything work so as to keep my balance but this man would really complicate things.

Honestly, July 2010 was my last contact with him. I greeted him on his birthday and that's all. I had forgotten him totally or rather consciously after that. So that time, I was busy doing a research about some more interesting stuff - esoteric knowledge. I dug so many ideas about the universe and they makes sense and my whole perspective changed about the universe and what's happening around. Very mysterious yet addicting. I feel like I'm totally connected with God and his creation at the same time.

I've lost my memory of him until on the last week of November. He reappeared in my dreams. So you see? Even if I don't have any contacts with him he's still intruding me in my dreams. What I don't fully understand is that what I call the "connection". I feel like there's something wrong going on with him but I don't know what was it. I've never put a thought on him but as the days had gone mad, I'd always see him in my dreams eventhough I wasn't thinking of him. I SWEAR. I can prove it on my blog posts. I don't like telling him to anyone so when I feel its very disturbing on my part, I just spill it over my blog. Not until I had this very weird dream. You may read it here. GUY ON A GRAY SHIRT

Weird because after watching the movie, I cried myself to sleep asking God to stop this connection and to take away those unwanted emotions I have for him. I asked what his role for me and then got that weird dream as a reply.

I still can't decipher the message. The weirdest of all, when I woke up in the morning, checking of fb is the usual thing, the same shirt color with I-dunno thing on his neck sent me a friend request on FB. Pretty weird, isn't it? I hated when I remember what my reaction was. I feel my whole body become numb and my vision blurred. I'm not exaggerating but I do really feel like fainting when the guy wearing that gray shirt on my dream showed up on FB. Coincident?I hope so. And another weird dream: A LITTLE LONGER

For now I don't wanna give connotations about this mysterious event in my life. I don't really think we could be friends because I think it's impossible to do so. The feeling is so intense that it could dominate my thoughts and maintaining a space between us would really help me to keep my balance.

We became friends again this year. I've told him partly what I needed to tell and then I decided to make no contacts with him. I am hopeful that after pouring out those suppressed thoughts and emotions for years, I could break the bond with him. I am certain to myself that I've learned what I needed to learn from him Lord. So I think, its time to let go so I'd be finally feel FREE. Free to accept the real thing for me. I'm excited to encounter the "ONE". Im praying that he's spiritually ready. Please reserve him for me Lord. And help me to recognize him at the perfect time.

i could feel he's just a mile away because I can smell the sweet aroma when the wind enters my nostrils. ♥ MEETING THE ONE ♥

Im so thankful on my encounter with the "guy in gray shirt" It really sped up my spiritual growth. I believe he was sent by God in preparation for meeting the "ONE". Congratz to me in advance!

FOCUS on the HERE and NOW.

Suddenly It's Magic!

I am sooo loving this song..Im gonna play this on my wedding day too..♥♥♥^_^

I always thought I would be strong
If I made it through the pain
Well, I've been in and out of love
And it all hurts just the same, oh yeah
Love can really change your life
There's somethin' magic in my world tonight ...

Chorus:
I feel, so free, it's like a fantasy
Havin' you next to me
Suddenly it's magic
One look, one touch
Words just won't say enough
When you fall in love
Suddenly it's magic ...
I'm not afraid of letting go
I've got to find what's right for me
I'm not afraid to stand alone

If that's the way it has to be
After all that I've been through
There's magic when I'm here with you ...
(Repeat Chorus)

Bridge:
We can dream our dreams forever
When I'm here with you, baby
Heaven's a heartbeat away
Now that we're together
Love can last forever
There's magic in my life
With you, you, oh yeah ...
Adlib:
One look, one touch
Words just don't say enough
When you fall in love
Suddenly it's magic ...
Suddeny it's magic ...

(Repeat Chorus)

Meeting the One

If you hold that frequency of unconditional love
If you have reached that place in yourself
and its your fervent wish to meet that person
and to experience the divine relationship of service,
know then that you will meet this person.



Know fully in your heart that the person you seek
is there for you around the corner in time.
Let go of any desperation or need to be with this person.
Be truly comfortable and in balance as a single entity.
Find happiness in this single path and
let go of that need to be with your twinflame.
and then that person will come into your life.

For one of the greatest tools that your disposal for
creating your own reality is the tool of knowing
WHAT YOU WANT and

knowing YOU HAVE WHAT YOU WANT.
And being happy without it and letting go of it.

For letting go is the key to manifestation.

We are the white-winged consciousness of mind. ^_^

-Excerpted

I Don't See You In Him

Dear Lord,

Although my soul is certain that my heart was made for him, i couldn't love a man who doesn't have Your Heart. unless maybe a transformation is made on him. And "Only You" can do that.

I dont see You in him.
There's no point of holding on.
Coz I believe I deserve someone better.

I feel sad for him that he couldn't even recognize me- the soul behind the person.
And I know its him Lord whom I've been looking & waiting for so long. But I think I need to find someone on this lifetime to get past of him. And when that time comes, when everything is right, I know all will fall into place. For the mean time, I'm giving that man everything he needs to learn. And please take care of him.

I don't feel bad. I swear.
But we couldn't be friends somehow.
Or else I couldn't give him the chance to grow and realize
what You need him to learn to be a better person. ^_^
Even if it means handing him in the care of another person.
I'd be happy for him. Just do your work on him Lord.
I know in my heart he is a good man.

Thank you Lord...I feel so loved and blessed.
Coz only You can satisfy me.
I would never exchange you Lord to anybody.
If he wants to be the second then maybe I could let him in.. ^_^

MISS YOU

Its a mix of good and bad feeling when you miss someone..

GOOD FEELING - you're inspired to do more things.

BAD FEELING - when you can't do something about it or cannot even say,

hello! i miss you..

ahahah...haiz...

Lord, could you tell him that?hahaha Would You?

Please?

Thank you...

Euphoria

Smiling for reasons I don't know.kapoy ngisi every now and then. Wish it would always be like this.
People could've mistaken me as psychotic.

But Im sure that my mind still thinks straight

I could still discern what's right from wrong, you know.

I'd love talking to trees especially the guava tree when I sit on the balcony.

My mom would ask me, who are you talking at?

That guava. Di pwede aw?^_^

The air I breathe smells good

I couldn't describe exactly the scent

but my nostrils knows that it has no scent.haha

But if I ask my soul to describe,

it really smells like a perfume.

And wherever I go, it smells alike.

So rich and full of love

And I feel like the whole universe harmonizes with me.

Happiness.

Contentment.

What a euphoric feeling.

When You Know

A soundtrack from my all-time favorite movie, Serendipity♥

I super duper love this movie and can watch it over and over again without being bored..

(changing my bg music)

WHEN YOU KNOW - Shawn Colvin

When you know that you know who you love, you can't deny it.
Or go back, or give up, or pretend that you don't buy it.
When it's clear this time you've found the one, you'll never let him go
Cos you know and you know that you know.

When you feel in your skin in your bones and the hollow
Of your heart, there's no way you can wait till tomorrow.
When there isn't any doubt about it once you come this close
Cos you know and you know that you know.

You can feel love's around you like the sky 'round blue
This is how love has found you, now you know what to do.

When you know that you know who you need, you can't deny it.
Or go back, or give up, or pretend that you don't buy it.
When it's clear this time you've found the one, you'll never let him go
Cos you know and you know that you know.

And it's time you come in from the cold.
Haaa...
And you know that you know.

It Feels Good

I am a WHOLE new person with a brand new heart and mind..
But even though many things have changed over the span of time,
my heart is still.
It chooses no one else but you.
And it will always be you, no matter what.
Not because my mind wanted it.
You always tell me Lord that,
“IF IT FEELS GOOD, DO IT. If it feels bad, something must be wrong.”
As I listen to my heart and mind bossing each other,
It made me hear them what's really in my heart.
That I am truly happy every time I think of you,
do things for you, love you
…in silence.
…even in absence.
And it feels good.

Renew Him

Dear Lord,

What a great day! And Im okay now. Thank you…
Maybe he need a quiet time away from me till he could realize something.“Renew Him”

It’s okay coz I can handle it with Your Grace.
Please help him. I know nobody could change him until you could make any transformations on him.
How I wish,
…he’d learn.
…he’d realize.
…he’d be awakened
…he’d become a better person.
…he’d walk a path – Your path Lord.
…and make You as his Center, his Strength, his Knowledge, his Refuge.

So that he would know, if not today maybe someday.
That life is meaningless
…worthless
…NOTHING without You.

How I Wish

Dear Lord,
If I had acted unkindly today please forgive me.
I just want you to know that the reason of the fight is not the star apple.
Maybe star apple is what triggers the whole thing. XD
I haven’t slept well this morning maybe that’s the reason of my mood shift.
I admit I am “suplada” but im not “bwisit”.
And perhaps “NAPUNO” na gid ko sa bro ko.
This is the whole story.


I was slicing the veggies for our daily consumption and he approached me,
Bro: Dai, kihada bi anai hu.
I: pwde mu lng gid mpihak sang kamot mu, pakihad mo pa.
Bro: dali lng gid po.
I: ai, ambot ah! (grabbed the star apple and divide using my hands)
Bro: teh?nano na oh! (naglapta jutai)
I: (resumed slicing the veggies)
Bro: gina-ayo ka lang gid poh. Daw sa piho ka!
I: pano nagpiho? OO na, lakat na to..
Bro: kasuplada cmu. Ndi ka mag-amo na..
I: oo na gani, hipos na da.
Bro: daw sa piho ka
I: (smile) ako pa ang piho.
Bro: Pamati man bla.Ndi ka mag-amo na ke sa ulihi ndi ka gid na mamayuhan.
I: Ok ah, kaw gapamati aw?
Bro: OO eh, ,msabat tka ayhan kng wla ko gpamati? Kbalo kman dapat mgrespeto kng gusto mo respetuhon.
I: huo na gni.
Bro: ah gale ha! Sugod sbng kay ndi tna ka pagsapak2on..ang bwisit ka
I: wala ko labot. (low voice and sliced my finger slightly. Ndi man sakit ah.after nlg.)
Bro: abi mo may makuha ka sakon?
I: ano mkuha ko cmu aw?ke wala man gid. (smile and still slicing)
Bro: lantawon ta kng may mapalangga cmu.amu na nga gnabayaan ka prmi kay kasuplada cmu..
I: (huh?gconnect man? Sorry lng gid ha,,damo nku gndeposit na LOVE. And im not afraid. Being suplada is not a factor. As if ikaw ndi suplado.)
Bro: lantawon ta eh. Ke magtigulang ka ikaw lang isa..
I: lantawon ta eh.. (abi mo mpati ko sa gnahambal mo aw?i can’t make u a model if you yourself can’t prove what you say. Asta ka lng prmi sa hambal. Patawhay ka lang prmi sa balay..cmu man b,ano mkuha ko 2od cmu??wala man gid)

Yes, you have been a good boyfriend to your gf.
But did you ask yourself if you have been a good brother to us??
Does a good brother shouts his younger brother to get off from the computer like treating him as a dog??
Does a good brother helps when being asked by a sister for a homework or any nursing-related works?
Did you ever asked if you have been a good son to our parents??
Did you ever asked if what things you have contributed in the house??
Yeah,,maybe just sit, eat. Maybe papa is right. You are just a boarder in the house.
You can’t even close your cabinet, clean your room or even just think of something what to contribute in this house. What you knew is just sit and stare in front of the computer, watch tv,eat..
Your alibis aren’t excuses.

Ako na gani Lord gatinlo ka room ya, biskan everyday gaugtas ko kay my ara na gid laguan, di pa da mbutang.Ilapta gid. Pero okay lang naanad nman ko. And Im hoping man tani mkbachag xia huya. Nga ndi ko ya maid pra mgsunod sg lapta ya. Im doing it for you Lord, to help him change. But insensitive gid xia ya katama. I’ve learned to stretch my patience. And give more extensions. Sbng ya napuno na gid ko.

You know what?Mama and Papa is just keeping quiet. But you can always tell that they’re also tired of reminding you everyday. And maybe its because they are hoping that someday, you will learn. That’s why they think its okay that Tita Melda won’t be staying home with us anymore. It’s because we are grown-ups now and they wanted us to learn life. Learn to do things independently without asking anybody to do it for you. I’ve learned so much. But did you??

Why do you think my smile stretches to my earlobes when I see you doing things that’ve not been asked you to do??Even just when you serve me a glass of water?Its because I said to myself, “hai at last daw na feel ko man gid even just for once na my brother ko. Hai hala ngpisan man gid xia. Ai hala Lord thank you gid ” And I wish it was everyday. T_T

I hope someday, if you can’t give it to me, please let Mae and Ton2 feel that they have an older brother. Then maybe I’d be the happiest sister in the world.

Im sorry Lord but maybe this is good to spill out these things instead of keeping it within me. SORRY. NAPUNO NA GID KO and its hurting me. I don’t blame him Lord. Maybe, time will come and he’ll be a better person. But for now, I just don’t want to say things that could hurt him more. Maybe I couldn’t really change him..Carefree gid xia ya. Im tired na. Ikaw na bahala cia Lord. T_T

A Little Longer

Everytime I cried out and told God and my angels that I
should stop any connection with you, there's something strange happening.
seems like the world disagrees with me.i saw a man wearing white shirt
last night when i was about to close my eyes
and before my consciousness subsides. the last time, i saw him,
he was wearing gray shirt but with blurry face. Now,I can almost
see the shape of his face - he has an oval shaped face.the eyes wasn't
that clear yet.but atleast i now see his eyes unlike the man in gray that his
facial features are all blurry.


haiz...Lord.T_t
i dont know till when i can hold on with the same person.
should i let him go?should i share my world with others aside from him?
why everytime i think that i think i should go, i receive strange
transmissions??
why still i couldn't move on?
why if i insist that i dont want any connection with him, even without any
means of communication he is still connected with me in other means??
in a way only souls can understand??
why i feel sometimes losing a part of myself if i resist to forget him?
why do i feel pain when i think of that person?
why would he always cross my mind? even ive only met him once?
why would he always popped up on my thought even though i wasn't thinking of him?
why do i feel certain that he is the man for me?even though my mind rejects that thought?
why do i do things for him?
why do i have to resist these emotions?
is it because im afraid he would hurt me again?
is it because he already love someone?
or maybe he never had loved me?

haiz,,when would i learn how to balance my mind and my heart?
when would i learn how to follow my conscience?
when would i be deserving of a love so true?
when would i be happily in love again?

I did everything Lord, you know that.
I've changed me.
I'd become positive, happy, loving, caring for my family and friends.
I give them what I only have..LOVE,TIME.
I did everything for them Lord its not because I want something so bad.
I did it, give it openly and warmly because i love doing it.
..because this is ME.
I love them seeing happy when I share my little world that had been enlightened by You.
a world so magical and full of your richness and love that only me can understand.
That's why I wanted it to share with them so that they can also experience how am I being loved by YOu.
That I am genuinely happy and sincere..
That I dont need any rewards for those deeds..
That I can manage to be happy and strong as long as I have you Lord.

I did everything for you Lord.
But even how many times I tell you Im happy,
I still couldn't fill the gap in my heart.
I had given it to You for safekeeping a few years ago and Im really grateful
that you haven't handed it yet to anybody that doesn't deserves it..
Yes, i've found my true self and Im happy about it that i'd become whole.
Yet i couldn't explain these feelings that Im really a part of someone else's life.
But its okay Lord,maybe I have to wait a little longer
..for the right person
..at the right place
..in the right time and reasons
With God's timing, all is well and
everthing will fall into place.♥

Not Pork

Salig.Salig. Amo na lang gid to gnhatag cmu nga part,wala pa kaeffort2.
haiz...Im so tired. Tired of giving chances to people
who doesn't even bother to change.That's the last and here's the wall.
yuhooooo! ugtas..ugtas..hahaha Pork and I would never be goodies. not ebir!
maka-tao man o maka-hayop.It's toxic to the system.hahaha