I Don't See You In Him

Dear Lord,

Although my soul is certain that my heart was made for him, i couldn't love a man who doesn't have Your Heart. unless maybe a transformation is made on him. And "Only You" can do that.

I dont see You in him.
There's no point of holding on.
Coz I believe I deserve someone better.

I feel sad for him that he couldn't even recognize me- the soul behind the person.
And I know its him Lord whom I've been looking & waiting for so long. But I think I need to find someone on this lifetime to get past of him. And when that time comes, when everything is right, I know all will fall into place. For the mean time, I'm giving that man everything he needs to learn. And please take care of him.

I don't feel bad. I swear.
But we couldn't be friends somehow.
Or else I couldn't give him the chance to grow and realize
what You need him to learn to be a better person. ^_^
Even if it means handing him in the care of another person.
I'd be happy for him. Just do your work on him Lord.
I know in my heart he is a good man.

Thank you Lord...I feel so loved and blessed.
Coz only You can satisfy me.
I would never exchange you Lord to anybody.
If he wants to be the second then maybe I could let him in.. ^_^

MISS YOU

Its a mix of good and bad feeling when you miss someone..

GOOD FEELING - you're inspired to do more things.

BAD FEELING - when you can't do something about it or cannot even say,

hello! i miss you..

ahahah...haiz...

Lord, could you tell him that?hahaha Would You?

Please?

Thank you...

Euphoria

Smiling for reasons I don't know.kapoy ngisi every now and then. Wish it would always be like this.
People could've mistaken me as psychotic.

But Im sure that my mind still thinks straight

I could still discern what's right from wrong, you know.

I'd love talking to trees especially the guava tree when I sit on the balcony.

My mom would ask me, who are you talking at?

That guava. Di pwede aw?^_^

The air I breathe smells good

I couldn't describe exactly the scent

but my nostrils knows that it has no scent.haha

But if I ask my soul to describe,

it really smells like a perfume.

And wherever I go, it smells alike.

So rich and full of love

And I feel like the whole universe harmonizes with me.

Happiness.

Contentment.

What a euphoric feeling.

When You Know

A soundtrack from my all-time favorite movie, Serendipity♥

I super duper love this movie and can watch it over and over again without being bored..

(changing my bg music)

WHEN YOU KNOW - Shawn Colvin

When you know that you know who you love, you can't deny it.
Or go back, or give up, or pretend that you don't buy it.
When it's clear this time you've found the one, you'll never let him go
Cos you know and you know that you know.

When you feel in your skin in your bones and the hollow
Of your heart, there's no way you can wait till tomorrow.
When there isn't any doubt about it once you come this close
Cos you know and you know that you know.

You can feel love's around you like the sky 'round blue
This is how love has found you, now you know what to do.

When you know that you know who you need, you can't deny it.
Or go back, or give up, or pretend that you don't buy it.
When it's clear this time you've found the one, you'll never let him go
Cos you know and you know that you know.

And it's time you come in from the cold.
Haaa...
And you know that you know.

It Feels Good

I am a WHOLE new person with a brand new heart and mind..
But even though many things have changed over the span of time,
my heart is still.
It chooses no one else but you.
And it will always be you, no matter what.
Not because my mind wanted it.
You always tell me Lord that,
“IF IT FEELS GOOD, DO IT. If it feels bad, something must be wrong.”
As I listen to my heart and mind bossing each other,
It made me hear them what's really in my heart.
That I am truly happy every time I think of you,
do things for you, love you
…in silence.
…even in absence.
And it feels good.

Renew Him

Dear Lord,

What a great day! And Im okay now. Thank you…
Maybe he need a quiet time away from me till he could realize something.“Renew Him”

It’s okay coz I can handle it with Your Grace.
Please help him. I know nobody could change him until you could make any transformations on him.
How I wish,
…he’d learn.
…he’d realize.
…he’d be awakened
…he’d become a better person.
…he’d walk a path – Your path Lord.
…and make You as his Center, his Strength, his Knowledge, his Refuge.

So that he would know, if not today maybe someday.
That life is meaningless
…worthless
…NOTHING without You.

How I Wish

Dear Lord,
If I had acted unkindly today please forgive me.
I just want you to know that the reason of the fight is not the star apple.
Maybe star apple is what triggers the whole thing. XD
I haven’t slept well this morning maybe that’s the reason of my mood shift.
I admit I am “suplada” but im not “bwisit”.
And perhaps “NAPUNO” na gid ko sa bro ko.
This is the whole story.


I was slicing the veggies for our daily consumption and he approached me,
Bro: Dai, kihada bi anai hu.
I: pwde mu lng gid mpihak sang kamot mu, pakihad mo pa.
Bro: dali lng gid po.
I: ai, ambot ah! (grabbed the star apple and divide using my hands)
Bro: teh?nano na oh! (naglapta jutai)
I: (resumed slicing the veggies)
Bro: gina-ayo ka lang gid poh. Daw sa piho ka!
I: pano nagpiho? OO na, lakat na to..
Bro: kasuplada cmu. Ndi ka mag-amo na..
I: oo na gani, hipos na da.
Bro: daw sa piho ka
I: (smile) ako pa ang piho.
Bro: Pamati man bla.Ndi ka mag-amo na ke sa ulihi ndi ka gid na mamayuhan.
I: Ok ah, kaw gapamati aw?
Bro: OO eh, ,msabat tka ayhan kng wla ko gpamati? Kbalo kman dapat mgrespeto kng gusto mo respetuhon.
I: huo na gni.
Bro: ah gale ha! Sugod sbng kay ndi tna ka pagsapak2on..ang bwisit ka
I: wala ko labot. (low voice and sliced my finger slightly. Ndi man sakit ah.after nlg.)
Bro: abi mo may makuha ka sakon?
I: ano mkuha ko cmu aw?ke wala man gid. (smile and still slicing)
Bro: lantawon ta kng may mapalangga cmu.amu na nga gnabayaan ka prmi kay kasuplada cmu..
I: (huh?gconnect man? Sorry lng gid ha,,damo nku gndeposit na LOVE. And im not afraid. Being suplada is not a factor. As if ikaw ndi suplado.)
Bro: lantawon ta eh. Ke magtigulang ka ikaw lang isa..
I: lantawon ta eh.. (abi mo mpati ko sa gnahambal mo aw?i can’t make u a model if you yourself can’t prove what you say. Asta ka lng prmi sa hambal. Patawhay ka lang prmi sa balay..cmu man b,ano mkuha ko 2od cmu??wala man gid)

Yes, you have been a good boyfriend to your gf.
But did you ask yourself if you have been a good brother to us??
Does a good brother shouts his younger brother to get off from the computer like treating him as a dog??
Does a good brother helps when being asked by a sister for a homework or any nursing-related works?
Did you ever asked if you have been a good son to our parents??
Did you ever asked if what things you have contributed in the house??
Yeah,,maybe just sit, eat. Maybe papa is right. You are just a boarder in the house.
You can’t even close your cabinet, clean your room or even just think of something what to contribute in this house. What you knew is just sit and stare in front of the computer, watch tv,eat..
Your alibis aren’t excuses.

Ako na gani Lord gatinlo ka room ya, biskan everyday gaugtas ko kay my ara na gid laguan, di pa da mbutang.Ilapta gid. Pero okay lang naanad nman ko. And Im hoping man tani mkbachag xia huya. Nga ndi ko ya maid pra mgsunod sg lapta ya. Im doing it for you Lord, to help him change. But insensitive gid xia ya katama. I’ve learned to stretch my patience. And give more extensions. Sbng ya napuno na gid ko.

You know what?Mama and Papa is just keeping quiet. But you can always tell that they’re also tired of reminding you everyday. And maybe its because they are hoping that someday, you will learn. That’s why they think its okay that Tita Melda won’t be staying home with us anymore. It’s because we are grown-ups now and they wanted us to learn life. Learn to do things independently without asking anybody to do it for you. I’ve learned so much. But did you??

Why do you think my smile stretches to my earlobes when I see you doing things that’ve not been asked you to do??Even just when you serve me a glass of water?Its because I said to myself, “hai at last daw na feel ko man gid even just for once na my brother ko. Hai hala ngpisan man gid xia. Ai hala Lord thank you gid ” And I wish it was everyday. T_T

I hope someday, if you can’t give it to me, please let Mae and Ton2 feel that they have an older brother. Then maybe I’d be the happiest sister in the world.

Im sorry Lord but maybe this is good to spill out these things instead of keeping it within me. SORRY. NAPUNO NA GID KO and its hurting me. I don’t blame him Lord. Maybe, time will come and he’ll be a better person. But for now, I just don’t want to say things that could hurt him more. Maybe I couldn’t really change him..Carefree gid xia ya. Im tired na. Ikaw na bahala cia Lord. T_T

A Little Longer

Everytime I cried out and told God and my angels that I
should stop any connection with you, there's something strange happening.
seems like the world disagrees with me.i saw a man wearing white shirt
last night when i was about to close my eyes
and before my consciousness subsides. the last time, i saw him,
he was wearing gray shirt but with blurry face. Now,I can almost
see the shape of his face - he has an oval shaped face.the eyes wasn't
that clear yet.but atleast i now see his eyes unlike the man in gray that his
facial features are all blurry.


haiz...Lord.T_t
i dont know till when i can hold on with the same person.
should i let him go?should i share my world with others aside from him?
why everytime i think that i think i should go, i receive strange
transmissions??
why still i couldn't move on?
why if i insist that i dont want any connection with him, even without any
means of communication he is still connected with me in other means??
in a way only souls can understand??
why i feel sometimes losing a part of myself if i resist to forget him?
why do i feel pain when i think of that person?
why would he always cross my mind? even ive only met him once?
why would he always popped up on my thought even though i wasn't thinking of him?
why do i feel certain that he is the man for me?even though my mind rejects that thought?
why do i do things for him?
why do i have to resist these emotions?
is it because im afraid he would hurt me again?
is it because he already love someone?
or maybe he never had loved me?

haiz,,when would i learn how to balance my mind and my heart?
when would i learn how to follow my conscience?
when would i be deserving of a love so true?
when would i be happily in love again?

I did everything Lord, you know that.
I've changed me.
I'd become positive, happy, loving, caring for my family and friends.
I give them what I only have..LOVE,TIME.
I did everything for them Lord its not because I want something so bad.
I did it, give it openly and warmly because i love doing it.
..because this is ME.
I love them seeing happy when I share my little world that had been enlightened by You.
a world so magical and full of your richness and love that only me can understand.
That's why I wanted it to share with them so that they can also experience how am I being loved by YOu.
That I am genuinely happy and sincere..
That I dont need any rewards for those deeds..
That I can manage to be happy and strong as long as I have you Lord.

I did everything for you Lord.
But even how many times I tell you Im happy,
I still couldn't fill the gap in my heart.
I had given it to You for safekeeping a few years ago and Im really grateful
that you haven't handed it yet to anybody that doesn't deserves it..
Yes, i've found my true self and Im happy about it that i'd become whole.
Yet i couldn't explain these feelings that Im really a part of someone else's life.
But its okay Lord,maybe I have to wait a little longer
..for the right person
..at the right place
..in the right time and reasons
With God's timing, all is well and
everthing will fall into place.♥

Not Pork

Salig.Salig. Amo na lang gid to gnhatag cmu nga part,wala pa kaeffort2.
haiz...Im so tired. Tired of giving chances to people
who doesn't even bother to change.That's the last and here's the wall.
yuhooooo! ugtas..ugtas..hahaha Pork and I would never be goodies. not ebir!
maka-tao man o maka-hayop.It's toxic to the system.hahaha

A Blessing

♥You prayed and waited too hard, trying all the means to take of
things you don't own. But everytime you do, failure sinks in...
only makin' things more complicated.



How frustrating.

And as you search for truths,
you ended up being engulfed by this startling revelation:

"It could never be apart from you
for it is ALWAYS and FOREVER be
imprinted in your soul..
It is now a part of who you are...."


All you can do is to live with it and be grateful.
Acceptance is the key to live a happy life.♥


As quoted,
"We must become lovers of Truth no matter how much it hurts.
It is the truth that will set us free only if we will learn how to
recognize and receive the WHOLE truth and not just those things
that we are comfortable with." - anonymous

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32

A blessed and happy morning to all!


Legend:
between the ♥'s - alien languange translated to human alphabet (i really made an effort there looking for a translator.hahah)
--------------------
background music: Everytime I Close my Eyes
---taerz! kalaw-ai pamatian..hahah wla garelate. *allergic*

Going Home Soon

early discussion about the quake in Japan while having breakfast.
papa: te pila ang npatay?
bro: 200-300
papa: kajutay mlg gle
joi: ke di pa mkita tungod sa baha
papa: tani 1 million pra magbuhin populasyon sa kalibutan
joi: corek.. ang us (damo mkasasala) pagd tani kag china
mama: sa manila pa gid
papa: baw kng sa manila kag didto ko naassign te tani kamo na lang
mama: maggwa ka eh. alangan mapakuribong ka sa hotel! (namersa,haha)
papa: ang survival instinct sg tawo ara na ya,
poh kng di ka na kasurvive sa sitwasyon wala ka gid may mahimo.
kitaay na lang ta sa next lifetime eh..
mama: haha, mkaluwas ka pa ayhan kng magpiyak ang duta kag mtampukan ka?
ako ya gusto ko maging pispis pra kng magtsunami mkalupad ko.
joi:whahah
bro: aswang ka na lang para di ka mapalid
mama: yawan ka to karon pangita sang piyak mo nga lawas eh
joi: masanagan adlaw mpatay kaman jpon..te ukayon mo lang imo half ya eh.
mama: ireport ko eh, kung sin-o makakita sang lawas ---

HAHAHAHAH
(this time, serious talk na)
papa: ang maadvice ko ya sa inyo, spend quality time
with your friends and family.
mama: te malagaw ta ya to pirme
(mama ko adik gid ya! haha)
papa: (cont.) ... gaabot na ta sa punto nga mdula na ang physical aspect
sg kalibutan kag ang spiritual nlg mabilin
joi: agree gid ko da pa. gnaenjoy ko na gani sbng
amo na sbng nahimo ko. *grin*

(before my father had spoken those words, i knew it before.
it started on my birthday i couldn't just explain those feelings.
all i wanted is to spend happy times with my friends and family.
after noticing the biblical events unfolding, it knew this is it.
Im so excited because we're going home real soon.. to our real home♥ )

Try Next Time!

Dear two-horned creature:

I was getting successful a while ago,when after checking out my guest,
everything turned upside down.I'm glad to say you win for forfeiting
my exam grade in front office and at the same time,
I am sorry to declare that you lose.Coz letting someone
like me feel down would never be that easy.
Try again next time..when you can. Maybe you need a better tactics.
Goodluck!